But that’s not the plan…

The plan was clear. What was to happen was organised, clear and going to happen.

When suddenly it doesn’t.

Things are changed. No notice given.

Feelings out of control.

Anxiety rising.

Churning stomach.

Sensory expectations ruined.

But the plans changed…

The plan was followed, sort of.

Sort of, in that the place and time were followed,

but, the content thereof was not.

Expectations thwarted.

Needs ignored.

Frustration rising.

Stomach churning.

Responses hard to manage.

Sensory refuge needs are heightened.

Emotions  confusing.

But it just happened that way…

It wasn’t intended to go that way.

But it did go that way.

It went that way and attempts to signal not okay were missed.

Left fallen flat on deaf ears and unseeing eyes.

No way out. Stomach churns, emotions thrust upwards and outwards feelings uncontrolled.

Hurt, anger pain, anxiety. All rise up.

Left in the quagmire.

Isolated, alone, sad, angry, devastated, ashamed, confused.

Stomach still churns.

Emotions and feeling still rage about:

willing themselves for expression.

But their natural expression results in disdain, fear, disgust by others.

And Meltdown.

Meltdown comes.

Unwanted, undesired, despised and hated.

But still, it comes.

inescapable, but still one tries to escape it.

And Meltdown comes.

Intensifies the raging churning stomach.

Control lost.

Out of body.

Looking down.



Can’t ask for help.

Don’t know how to ask, what to ask for.