One thing about Âûtistics is they have the ability to hyper-focus on things. They have the ability to keep the focus on things at times to the point of it being something of a detriment. A detriment to them, and a detriment to everyone else around the vicinity.
I experience this many many times in life. It has amazing positives a lot of the time. It allows focus on problems to be solved for perhaps a lot longer than many others which results in solutions where others may have given up a lot sooner. Certainly I have had situations where friends, acquaintances and colleagues have expressed surprise at this ability. Comments such as “you are determined”, “you really are a stubborn bastard aren’t you” have been expressed at times.
Sometimes though this quality and skill is something less than helpful. In these situations I have equally heard statements from others along the lines of “can’t you just leave it?”, or “why don’t you just let it go”. These suggestions are often said with exasperation and frustration.
Image of Dark hair woman writing the words Let Go!
The thing is, this really is a thing, a thing that is hard. A thing that is a struggle. A thing that we really have difficulty. But we do need to learn to do it. Maybe we will never be able to do it naturally but we do need to do it. We need to learn to Let it go sometimes. Just let it go.
Yes Let it go.
When our wife, our husband, our good friend, our significant other, whomever they may be says we need to let it go we need to understand they are saying it for a reason. They most likely are doing so because they actually give two hoots about what the situation is and what the end result might be and what the fallout might be of that end result.
But.
It’s not quite that simple is it. There are times where we will hear that and the best thing will actually be to not let go but to keep with the tenacious focus and determination we are displaying. The trick of course is to somehow work out when to let go and when to hang on.
That’s the big question.
Perhaps the biggest and best first step we can take with this whole thing is to at least ask that question. To at least take a pause, a step back, and ask ourselves. Should I be letting go here, or, should I keep holding on or pushing through.
I think in fact this just might be the key. Because along with that skill of hyper focus, often, is the skill of analysis. Yes, perhaps, that initial step back, just might be the catalyst that allows us to take a step back look at the situation and assess, analyse, and choose to hang on in there or to in fact just let go.
I sure as hell know, that this is something I need to learn about better. Especially I think, in the times where I am debating with others. I was in a situation myself yesterday where I could have used that skill of analysis to better advantage than I was using the skill of hyper focus. If I had, I would have at the very least not used up quite so many of my spoons. And spent today in recovery land, pretty much unable to function in a normal way.
I think a big skill hear is listening to our allies, because whilst we lack the social interpretive acumen to pick up on the social cues, the unspoken communication and body language, our allies are able to see and read these signs. This can play to our advantage. Not only can it help in the moment, but in the afterwards also, as whilst we miss the big picture and therefore the end result, the ally in our ear has not missed it. They have been able to see some likely fall out in a situation at the personal relationships level that we haven’t.
So the point I am in fact trying to get to here is, in fact, if we make this choice to pause and ask the question we at least give ourselves the option. That option may be enough for us to assess a situation and get ourselves in the situation where we may intact lose an intellectual or philosophical battle or debate, but not lose a relationship and connection by maintaining that hyper-focused determination to win the battle and lose the friendship, or the job, or the membership, or the influence, or indeed the reputation and respect.
In the end as Forrest says, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. I think I would rather take that line on than the alternate of – Stupid is as stupid does!
Would you believe, my mantra is ‘pause… and let it go’.
We get so stuck with detail! Pausing has helped me to check in to my inner self; there is often a reason in there that keeps me from letting go. Recognising that changes the trajectory/breaks the momentum. That’s the easy one.
The really difficult one is to let go when the other side is just plain wrong! 🙂