I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the myth of lack of empathy in autistic people is just that a myth. It’s a horrible, unhelpful and hurtful myth. It denies and takes away 
the from autistic people the accepted emotional responses of grief, loss, sadness, and others. It inhibits that acceptance of autistic people plumbing the depths of the their own soul, to be permitted to feel deeply the emotions that are a real and very present part of their daily experience.
Right now I am myself experiencing this so deeply it is indeed an experience of finding just how deep the waters of my soul descend.
I will always be the first to say that my expression of emotions is a an area of difficulty, however, as I have also said before the ability to feel them is not, and in many cases is far more intone with the feeling than it is for many neurotypcial people.
I watched in horror yesterday evening as I saw my uncles sit with my grandma as she breathed her last and passed on her mortal coil and beyond the mortal life we all live.
It was heartrending, heartbreaking, heart tearing. The emotions and feelings writhe within me, they writhe with a depth of feeling I can only begin to fathom towards the extended family who are far off and unable to be with her. The depth of feeling is indescribable. for me.
I can hear the neurotypicals putting words of expression around the feelings and the processes. I can’t do that in the same way. I can’t even nuance out the differences between them.
I am plumbing the depths of my soul looking to express, looking to feel to the depth I am supposed to. It is an incredibly painful experience. There are not words I can access that begin to provide a picture of the level of emotion churning within me.
I am sure there is sadness, grief and loss mixed in there but I am also sure that there 
are many others too. This is an incredibly difficult time. It is exhausting and difficult. The pain levels are exhausting, the emotional dissonance even more so.
Where does this road lead. it doesn’t bring back my glorious Grandmother. Is it worth walking this road, will I be a better person for this. I don’t know. I know that it hurts like hell. I know that I wish I was able to make the pain go, make the world stop, to cut out this pain from my heart.
Yes it is a myth, we autistics don’t lack empathy, or any feelings for that matter. We feel just as deeply, perhaps at times more deeply, than others. We don’t always express it well but boy we sure as hell feel it. Deeply, purely and abundant
What a wonderful post! I am learning more all the time, so thank you!
Thank you Nicodemus.
Thank you for another excellent post that dispels a terrible myth about autism.
Pain is a consequence of being alive. It’s normal – you are feeling normal shock and grief over loss. Don’t beat yourself up over what is common to all people. Losing loved ones is not a choice; it’s not under our control. This may sound odd, but a spiritual guide once told me, “Our first loyalty must be to life. There must never be anyone whom we can’t live without.” That thought has helped me in many situations. My condolences: grandmothers are special people.
This always p*sses me off, as do attempts to align the [supposed] lack of empathy in Autistics with that of socio/psychopaths. The problem is that when people outside the medical fraternity speak of empathy, they mean only Affective Empathy (feeling for others), just one facet of the empathy dichotomy. To that you can add Cognitive Empathy (understanding others’ states of mind, and what is really meant when health professionals speak of Autistic empathy issues) and Empathic Concern (sympathy).
Autistics may have issues with Cognitive Empathy, to varying degrees depending on the individual, but have little to no issue with the other two. A psychopath on the other hand has extremely strong Cognitive Empathy, which they use to manipulate people and for other nefarious purposes, but are almost completely lacking in concern for others (Affective Empathy and Sympathy).
These two groups could hardly be more different. An Autistic with strong Cognitive Empathy, particularly in childhood, would probably not acquire the Autistic label (“diagnosis”) in the first place. Whereas a psychopath with poor Cognitive Empathy would simply not be a psychopath. Apples and oranges.
* Affective empathy = feel what another person is feeling.
* Empathic concern/Sympathy = common feeling between people.
* Cognitive empathy = understand another person’s thoughts or motives.
(Basically) Cognitive Empathy = * Theory of Mind *
Thanks so much for this post I have learnt quite a lot, I live in a society that does not even acknowledge that someone can be autistic, it is like something that does and can not exist and it saddens me
well said – and might I add that your words apply to those who live with other disabilities as well! Thank you!
All my love is with you. xxx
Thanks so much