W is for Words…
Ever heard someone say words can heal and words can harm, or perhaps words have power. There is a nugget of truth in these statements I think.
When it comes to the concept of words, it’s a bit of a key issue in the autism world. It’s a key issue in a way I don’t really think it should be.
What are words anyway?
On the one hand, they are just groups of letters gathered together to communicate a message.
On the other hand, they are sounds grouped together to communicate a message.
But if that’s all we think they are, we are missing so much.
Words are not just sounds grouped together and they are not just marks on the page or screen.
They are communication. They are a conveyance of meaning, need, feeling, love, care.
But they are also so much more than just those things. As the saying goes a picture is like a thousand words.
W is for Words.
Words do not just spill from our mouth parts or even fly from our fingertips on a keyboard or our pen on paper. Words come in pictures, in other forms of communication.
Because in the end that’s what it’s all about these words. It’s about communication, connection with another.
But this communication is not just spoken or written words.
We convey it with touch.
We convey it with looks.
We convey it with gestures.
We convey it with behaviour.
Words are a real issue in the autism communities. And I think the focus is in the wrong direction. The focus is squarely for the most parts of spoken words.
But as stated spoken words are only a part of the picture here and the focus on them does a disservice and at times goes to isolate and disempower autistic people.
W is for Words.
In autism circles, there is a huge focus on verbal v non-verbal autistics. And in reality, that is not what is meant at all. What 
is really meant is speaking v non-speaking. Verbal is really a facility with a language, an ability to understand and use that language. The method of it is largely irrelevant.
Speaking, however, is different. Speaking is much more focused on the use of the mouth and vocal chords. Unfortunately, it is given ascribed value over other forms of communication.
There are many non-speaking autistics that communicate with far more eloquence through their chosen platforms than many that can employ thousands of spoken words at will.
Many autistics communicate eloquently through other methods like art.
A premium value is placed on the use of spoken language and it devalues other forms of communication.
W is for Words…
To be clear, it is important to provide the environment that will enable people to use the spoken word if possible. It is not, though, the most important thing you can provide for a person, autistic or otherwise.
I have heard many times people claim an autistic person has no communication when this is untrue. Generally, what they mean is, they can’t speak. Often there has been an intense focus on getting the autistic person to speak with their mouth parts. This is at an unfortunate cost of withholding and devaluing other methods of communication for the person.
In effect, a focus on the spoken language has actually silenced all communication for that autistic person. In vain that person will, in all likelihood, be employing as many alternative modes of communication to convey their needs as they can access.
We must listen to the words regardless of the form they take.
W is for Words…
Sometimes the elevation of the spoken word has such negative impact for a person that the only thing they have left is communication by behaviour. What those caring for the person will often describe as bad behaviour. Even to the point of invoking meltdown.
The refrain of lament in these situations is often a cry for help with the terrible bad behaviour, a cry of how terrible it is to deal with the horrible autism.
The reality is that often the situation is as it is because alternative communication is lacking and shunned.
The bad behaviour is employed to communicate difficulty, to communicate needs, to communicate overload. It’s so easy at times to focus on the issue of what the behaviour is rather than to look beyond the behaviour and try to find out what has led to it.
What is that person saying with that behaviour, rather than, you naughty person, that is not appropriate and not acceptable?
W is for words…
In terms of my own experience with the spoken language, I don’t really recall aquiring them to be an issue, however, I do at times have difficulty using the spoken word, this is often in a time of overwhelm.
My youngest daughter was quite late to talk and still as a ten-year-old some speech difficulties. In times of overwhelm, she employs behaviour to communicate this.
It’s easy as parents to respond to the behaviour and not the communication, but that there is the challenge.
Words are about communication and communication is about more than words.
My boy! Silent, never cried, never babbled nor pointed. Grandparents fretting, family judging, comments from professionals so out of touch. My boy! Communicated fantastically, terrifically, beautifully well. I knew fine, autism…..I knew he would n could. He simply had no desire as yet to chat. And that was fine by me. Crying – pointing to get his needs met wasn’t his style. He busily problem solved for himself. I was a last resort. He always stopped and would greet everyone even strangers that came into the house. His warm, friendly approach towards all is without judgement. He would then return to his task after he acknowledged and welcomed you. He decided to use language at 3 1/2. To this day he is considered disorganised speech. His confidence and esteem bolstered. I could return to work after 3 years, living below the poverty line. But it was worth it. Without any support and diagnosis I did all I could to enable him to manage a hostile environment. I love his way. Him, her, he, she, boy, girl, man, woman…..language is futile but knows it’s necessary. He will simply say ‘the people’. He started school in such a good mindset. I was confident we could overcome any barrier. And we did for 2 years. School took its toll and now 7 years old. Hes filled with anxiety, self loathing and confusion. He is discriminated, against and forced to fit. The pretence he needs to maintain is exhausting and reinforcing he is deeply flawed and a bad boy. I battle with the council, schools, education authority, NHS on a daily basis. I lost my job as I couldn’t juggle it all. I feel it’s time the protected institution of schools are held accountable for torturous mainstream practices and the bullshit policies that are not put into practice. The development of poor mental health that will stay with our kids throughout adulthood. Direct action is needed. Schools will lie, lay blame at child, parents, and home life. They Cover up and close ranks to protect the deficient system. Sacrificing my childs education for the mainstream majority is a cheaper option. I loathe the head teachers that protect their employers. When they should be shouting. we are doing these children an injustice. Accommodations should be in place. A better balance, equality and alternative ways to suit everyone’s needs is essential
My boy!
He reads faces, emotions, incredibly well. If unsure he will ask. Language too complicated and difficult with the barrage of environmental assaults to boot. Therefore is brilliant at reading others body language. He will scan a play ground and will choose the ethic child to engage with. Isn’t that clever.
All behaviour is language. I hate the term meltdown too. The consequences to the longevity of not being understood, chastised, mocked, humiliated for being yourself. Anyone’s body shuts down to protect its self. In the neuro world, it’s called post traumatic stress.
Words have no rules. He gains so much information in so many other ways sometimes I think he can read my mind.
The NT world in my book are stunted, blind and disabled because of dependence on the spoken word as the only way !