Some times it really is just so hard.
So hard to fit in to normality. So hard to manage to work out what you’re meant to say, what you’re meant not to say. What you’re mean to notice and not notice.
So hard to work it all out, when it’s okay to be factual and honest and when it’s not okay to be so. When someone really means it when they ask your opinion and when they are just making up conversation.
So hard to fit in to the norms of society and even to fathom what those norms really are.
So hard to understand what the feelings going on are and how they impact the bodies.
So hard it makes one so tired. So exhausted nothing more than sleep can be achieved.
So hard when what you say hurts the ones you love when you don’t mean it to, so hard to convey that you don’t mean it that way when what you say evokes such emotion charged responses. Emotion charged responses that seemed to overwhelm and threaten to smother you.
So hard to work out how to negotiate this weird journey we call life.
Thank goodness my family love me. Thank goodness God loves me. Thank Goodness when it is all over I will be perfect and in harmony with my God.
What is it all about anyway. It can’t just be about making money, buying bigger things, keeping up with others, having a good job, even it can’t be just about running longer faster stronger.
So hard. I think I really need help to work this out, think I really need people who can understand and let me be me and take the pressure off having to conform and be normal or typical. Normal is not the right word at all as it’s not normal because we are all normal, the word is typical I think.
So hard, it feels as though the expectation is that we Aspie’s have to work to conform to typical and make the concessions, the changes the adaptations to be what we are expected to be. Where is the balance of the typical conforming to what we would expect or at least meeting us half way and not expecting conformity but individuality.
We are what we are, we are who we are. That’s it really, that’s it. We are who and what we are not what someone or some society or group says we ought to be and anything else is just a charade, a facade, a construct.
No wonder it’s so hard.