Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memoryperception, and sanity.[1][2] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorientingthe victim. – Wikipedia

An experience I wrote about yesterday seemed to escalate and go on further today. I should, in hindsight have had the good sense to switch off the notifications to the thread and forgotten about it. But alas one of my traits seems to be the hyper focus on an issue that I find it very difficult to just leave it and let it rest.

In an ideal world I would be good at working out when are the times to just leave it and when are the times I need to keep on going with something. When are the times that I should go on. When are the times that that hyper-focus should be allowed free reign to run where it needs to run.

light-250848_1280It was certainly an interesting experience today, I had in my head that perhaps I was being manipulated but had neglected to call it gas lighting. I did not want to blow it out of proportion and make it something it actually wasn’t.  I have been accused over the years of life of doing just that. Of playing the victim card and calling abuse when perhaps that was not the case. Whilst I had wonderings underneath that perhaps I was being gaslighted I was not actually in a place of being too sure that was the case.

It took some time to realise the scope of what was happening. A person on the thread was baiting me with comments aimed to get me to respond. I would respond and then they would delete their comments. The result was that it would make the thread appear as though I was having some kind of irrational conversation with myself. It was certainly somewhat confusing for others who were computer-644457_1280reading the thread. During the process of the thread going a number of contributors began to comment about not being able to see the person, to whom my comments were directed, in the thread. It all began to appear not just a little odd.

It transpired that not only was the poster deleting her comments but systematically blocking all the people who had spoken in agreement with my point of view. I was able to discover this initially through the post of someone who had looked at the thread in incognito mode in the browser which allowed her to see the comments even though the poster had blocked her.  Once this was stated the poster admitted to blocking the others.

As time went on the rhetoric escalated, accusations were made against me of bullying and abusing. Which was certainly not the case. Eventually an ally of the poster started posting with all caps yelling to demand we stop posting. Unfortunately there are still some comments flying, I am at a point of no longer posting in response but just viewing.

Like I said it was an interesting experience. I certainly am in a state of wonder as to what on earth went down in these interactions. So what to make of this is the big question I guess.

The saddest part about this is that it was occurring on the page of a so called Disability Rights Page. And the poster in question is apparently an Âûtistic. So we had sidelining, silencing and gas lighting of disabled people on a page for disabled rights. It makes me say WTF.

Anyway at the end of all this, I am certainly wondering. I could have been a victim of  Gaslighting. I might have just been gaslighted.